I could be studying, but instead...

So yeah.  It's been awhile.  We all get super busy right when school picks up, and then before we know it it's mid-October, and we are struggling with some of the same emotions and inner conflicts that we left behind when departing for the summer.  Jealously rears its ugly head, and pain and strife come to back it up.  Comments are made, feelings hurt, and soon it feels like all shoulders have turned to redirect crying.  We are all guilty of attention jealousy; myself being the greatest sinner.  We long for the attention that others are given and the respect that accompanies it, and yet we cannot bring ourselves to say anything.  What is hardest to say is what is needed to be said most.  Those of us blessed with the glories of extroverted-ness suddenly find ourselves lost for words, and cannot even pull together full sentences to explain our hurt.  We victimize ourselves in an effort to ignore dealing with the problem, succeeding in furthering the hurt for all parties involved. Thus it is then even harder to apologize, when we feel that we are not the one's in the wrong.  How are we supposed to move on, when no closure has been administered or acknowledged.  I am tired of being jealous.  I know that all is not okay.  But it is no longer time for a pity party.  It's time to grow up, suck it up, and deal with the problem.  I am ready for that step.  Now it's time to take a deep breath, close my eyes, and jump.