~J is for Joyful~

*DISCLOSURE:  The following posting may contain angst-ridden and seemingly "dramatic" rantings, but bear with me

Life has so many different challenges for each and every one of us.  As each day continues, there are more and more ways that we forget to find our blessings in the details.  We compare ourselves and our situations, but what it really comes down to is the fact that we are all blessed so differently, and all that is necessary now is to figure out how to best appreciate that.  Some of our blessings have been present since the beginning, like life and food and shelter, whereas others come daily, such as friends, adventures, and conversations.  Another aspect that has become apparent to me only recently, is that we ourselves are sent to be blessings for those around us.  Sometimes we need the reminders, though.

 Too often we underestimate ourselves and our capabilities, and are constantly putting ourselves down in every respect.  To be completely honest, I am sick and tired of being told "you are too hard on yourself," or "you think too much."  My quick response is often to think or even say "I KNOW."  HOWEVER, acknowledgment is the first step in a process of building self-esteem and confidence back.  In the spirit of resolutions in this new year, I am taking part in a process that I am just calling 365 Affirmations.  Each day I am focusing on ONE word that I find is a positive trait or descriptive word that I find in myself.  All of the words go in alphabetical order, and just so you know, you can get through the alphabet 14 times in the span of 364.  The word will be written at the top of every day in my planner, as well as eventually on a card placed in a jar at the end of the day.  The whole purpose of this "exercise" is to find ONE good thing about myself (and others) that I can focus all of my energy into for that day.  By placing the word in a jar at the end, it is "retiring" the word, which can be looked at when needed.  As I mentioned, you can go completely through the alphabet 14 times in 364 days, with the intention then on New Year's Eve of 2014, I will pick a random word out of the jar, and that will be my final affirmation.

I understand and acknowledge that this may seem like a desperate grab for attention or drama.  That may be true, but also there has been so much cabbage-ing (long story) joy in the last week working with this process, that I want to make it clear that yes, I fight depression regularly, and that I am working my gosh darn hardest to improve things.  My only challenge to those who may read this even once is:  I've made my move and found my joy, now how about you?  

Be an Optimist Prime, not a Negatron.                                                                ~MWAH <3

I could be studying, but instead...

So yeah.  It's been awhile.  We all get super busy right when school picks up, and then before we know it it's mid-October, and we are struggling with some of the same emotions and inner conflicts that we left behind when departing for the summer.  Jealously rears its ugly head, and pain and strife come to back it up.  Comments are made, feelings hurt, and soon it feels like all shoulders have turned to redirect crying.  We are all guilty of attention jealousy; myself being the greatest sinner.  We long for the attention that others are given and the respect that accompanies it, and yet we cannot bring ourselves to say anything.  What is hardest to say is what is needed to be said most.  Those of us blessed with the glories of extroverted-ness suddenly find ourselves lost for words, and cannot even pull together full sentences to explain our hurt.  We victimize ourselves in an effort to ignore dealing with the problem, succeeding in furthering the hurt for all parties involved. Thus it is then even harder to apologize, when we feel that we are not the one's in the wrong.  How are we supposed to move on, when no closure has been administered or acknowledged.  I am tired of being jealous.  I know that all is not okay.  But it is no longer time for a pity party.  It's time to grow up, suck it up, and deal with the problem.  I am ready for that step.  Now it's time to take a deep breath, close my eyes, and jump.

Not the fairest of them all...

It is with much deliberation and purpose that I am writing this blog entry.  The past year has brought on so many different events and obstacles that staying up to date on my blog was not quite at the forefront of my mind.  I plan on eventually going back and documenting the past year and all that occurred, but as of now I would rather talk about the past month and a half and the present. 
I started my sophomore year!  Not quite the way I had hoped, but we have to cut down to be built up again.  Through a very rough couple of weeks I emerged with not much to call my own, except an 18 credit schedule, and a minimal level of sanity.  The title of this post is meant to be a double connection between both how my sophomore year started, and how I tend to struggle with the notion of defeat.  Now, I don't want this post to take on the form of rant rant rant whine whine whine my life sucks why am I on this planet kind of stuff, but just to try and put things in a more eloquent and objective perspective than they would be out loud. 
My new saying is "It's not the end of the world". 

I know that I am filled to be emptied again, and that is how I am meant to live.

I am stronger than this. 


Love y'all!

College Life...

Hey all,

So sorry that it took me so long to come back, but I've been busy with a lot of stuff.  So far, I have just closed off my second full week of living at Whitworth, and I love it here.  The people here that I meet everyday have gotten into the habit of pleasantly surprising me at almost every turn in the road.  There are people here from all around the world, and have every sort of family or personal background, but it doesn't matter to us.  We all care for each other, even if we disapprove on someone's actions or if we were raised with different beliefs.  I would like to "restart" this blog, by asking for prayers of provision from God, for I am in a financial crisis at this present moment, and I could really use some prayer.  Here's to a wonderful four years, and countless more blog postings beginning now!

Peace out.

It's been awhile...

Hi there cyberspace!
I know it's been a long time since I've blogged, but man, the last two months have been jam-packed with adventures and chaos.  I have now successfully graduated (or as I like to say, "done been gradiated") from senior high school, and boy, could it have not come any sooner.  I have had so many challenges this last year, and I am now fully prepared to move on with my life.  That's all for now, but I'll try to stay up to date from now on! Peace.

Stupid computer.....

Ugh.  I hate computer malfunctions.  So.  Much.  I received this laptop for Christmas from my older sister, and I was really psyched about having a safe and cool computer.   Little did I know that the security stuff was outdated, and I now probably have viruses on this that are causing it to be spazzy big time.  Ugh.
Perhaps more later, if I can fix this problem....

It's about time

I realize that I should probably keep this updated if I want to keep it.  I just got my financial aid packet from my first choice of schools, and they are offering support of over half.  Problem is, I would have to take out a loan for about $15,000 each year.  That adds up to $60,000 over four years, and then there's interest.  Ugh.

Different topic, you know when you really fall for someone, and then you get the glorious letdown?  Yeah, you know the feeling.  All that you need to remember is God is always there, and music is also.  The day that I received my own little let down, I found more music that applied to me than ever before.  The next time you're going through some rough patch, set your mp3 player on repeat and shuffle, and discover how music fits your life.