I could be studying, but instead...

So yeah.  It's been awhile.  We all get super busy right when school picks up, and then before we know it it's mid-October, and we are struggling with some of the same emotions and inner conflicts that we left behind when departing for the summer.  Jealously rears its ugly head, and pain and strife come to back it up.  Comments are made, feelings hurt, and soon it feels like all shoulders have turned to redirect crying.  We are all guilty of attention jealousy; myself being the greatest sinner.  We long for the attention that others are given and the respect that accompanies it, and yet we cannot bring ourselves to say anything.  What is hardest to say is what is needed to be said most.  Those of us blessed with the glories of extroverted-ness suddenly find ourselves lost for words, and cannot even pull together full sentences to explain our hurt.  We victimize ourselves in an effort to ignore dealing with the problem, succeeding in furthering the hurt for all parties involved. Thus it is then even harder to apologize, when we feel that we are not the one's in the wrong.  How are we supposed to move on, when no closure has been administered or acknowledged.  I am tired of being jealous.  I know that all is not okay.  But it is no longer time for a pity party.  It's time to grow up, suck it up, and deal with the problem.  I am ready for that step.  Now it's time to take a deep breath, close my eyes, and jump.

Not the fairest of them all...

It is with much deliberation and purpose that I am writing this blog entry.  The past year has brought on so many different events and obstacles that staying up to date on my blog was not quite at the forefront of my mind.  I plan on eventually going back and documenting the past year and all that occurred, but as of now I would rather talk about the past month and a half and the present. 
I started my sophomore year!  Not quite the way I had hoped, but we have to cut down to be built up again.  Through a very rough couple of weeks I emerged with not much to call my own, except an 18 credit schedule, and a minimal level of sanity.  The title of this post is meant to be a double connection between both how my sophomore year started, and how I tend to struggle with the notion of defeat.  Now, I don't want this post to take on the form of rant rant rant whine whine whine my life sucks why am I on this planet kind of stuff, but just to try and put things in a more eloquent and objective perspective than they would be out loud. 
My new saying is "It's not the end of the world". 

I know that I am filled to be emptied again, and that is how I am meant to live.

I am stronger than this. 


Love y'all!

College Life...

Hey all,

So sorry that it took me so long to come back, but I've been busy with a lot of stuff.  So far, I have just closed off my second full week of living at Whitworth, and I love it here.  The people here that I meet everyday have gotten into the habit of pleasantly surprising me at almost every turn in the road.  There are people here from all around the world, and have every sort of family or personal background, but it doesn't matter to us.  We all care for each other, even if we disapprove on someone's actions or if we were raised with different beliefs.  I would like to "restart" this blog, by asking for prayers of provision from God, for I am in a financial crisis at this present moment, and I could really use some prayer.  Here's to a wonderful four years, and countless more blog postings beginning now!

Peace out.

It's been awhile...

Hi there cyberspace!
I know it's been a long time since I've blogged, but man, the last two months have been jam-packed with adventures and chaos.  I have now successfully graduated (or as I like to say, "done been gradiated") from senior high school, and boy, could it have not come any sooner.  I have had so many challenges this last year, and I am now fully prepared to move on with my life.  That's all for now, but I'll try to stay up to date from now on! Peace.

Stupid computer.....

Ugh.  I hate computer malfunctions.  So.  Much.  I received this laptop for Christmas from my older sister, and I was really psyched about having a safe and cool computer.   Little did I know that the security stuff was outdated, and I now probably have viruses on this that are causing it to be spazzy big time.  Ugh.
Perhaps more later, if I can fix this problem....

It's about time

I realize that I should probably keep this updated if I want to keep it.  I just got my financial aid packet from my first choice of schools, and they are offering support of over half.  Problem is, I would have to take out a loan for about $15,000 each year.  That adds up to $60,000 over four years, and then there's interest.  Ugh.

Different topic, you know when you really fall for someone, and then you get the glorious letdown?  Yeah, you know the feeling.  All that you need to remember is God is always there, and music is also.  The day that I received my own little let down, I found more music that applied to me than ever before.  The next time you're going through some rough patch, set your mp3 player on repeat and shuffle, and discover how music fits your life.

Procrastination has some Pro- in it!

Soooooooo......I'm supposed to be working on this stupid math project (aka, the IA for IB), but I though it would be more fun to talk about life right now.
I had three big piano events yesterday; one lesson and two recitals.  Let me tell you, by the end of the second recital, I felt as though I had been living in a vacuum all afternoon.  I even spaced out so much while I was performing, that I had a full-on memory slip, kinda ruining the rest of my piece for me and my audience.  Oh well.  My friends didn't come, except those who take from the same teacher I take from.  And the guy didn't come either.  But, that's okay.  Maybe some other time.
~sigh~
Anyway, I had best be getting back to that G-force carp, so no more postings for a wee little while.

-CB